In testing theories, one could use the Spaghetti Approach. Throwing ideas against the wall to see what sticks – that’s according to the Mystery Woman.
I think in parallel, one must discern that when throwing yourself toward somebody (a.k.a. flirting), if you don’t stick then that’s it, right? He or she, as they say, is just not into you.
Haaayz… just an idea.
Forming these words, I can’t help but be thankful for how happy this Christmas has been for me, comparing it to last year. I started the eve right by having dinner with two of my most favorite people in the world.
In a span of a few months, Vic and Jim have become one of my closest friends. I guess they’re one of the gifts that the Universe has given to me this year. 
After dinner, I went home to find an abundance of kin in my house.
The atmosphere was light and festive…
And very happy… People were happy…
and Chica (What a pose! lol) 
This day is really for gathering all the people you love. There’s just no other way to spend it…
I hope you did it the same way I did, and I hope that it’s just as happy.
Merry Christmas everyone!
… now back to watching Fred Astaire movies
Who would’ve thought that my life(career, social, love) would be set in such a fast pace… warp speed even. If my present self travelled back in time to tell my past-self (of august or earlier) that I will be THIS busy, then I would have laughed at him.
But what if this vessel isn’t built for warp travel? What if this fast-paced life compromises my structural integrity? When I asked the Universe for social abundance, I never thought I would be on the verge of thinking if I should hire another ME to live at least half of it.
I should slow down to maximum impulse, at the very least. Haaayz
I finally found a way to avoid messaging people I don’t want to message but can’t help but do so – my Obscurity message group on Yahoo! Messenger. At least now, I can just keep them neatly in a group, then hide the list.
Wouldn’t you wanna know who’s in that list?
In Jessica Zafra’s blog, she listed some of the worst International Airports in the world. Oddly enough, the Philippines is not included. I disagree. The first thing I hate about travelling abroad is going through our NAIA. Can’t I just take a banca to Hong Kong and fly from there? Please please…
But I agree with this one:
Charles de Gaulle International Airport, Paris, France. “Charles de Gaulle is a disgrace … it’s like a third-world airport.” —Michel-Yves Labbé, president of French travel company Directours, Aug. 14, 2007. Grimy, confusing, overpriced, and the staff is rude. (It’s actually not that bad, but it’s in Paris! It should be better.)
They ARE rude, those proud Parisians. I’m told that once you go out of Paris, the french people are actually nicer.
Charles de Gaulle reminded me of NAIA actually. But at least going to NAIA, you don’t have to go through ’slums’ and be in danger of getting lost in one of the dodgey train stations… and no rude train officer telling you (nonchalantly) to jump over the gates. Believe me, it happened to me and my friend Ian Tan. If there’s any hesitation for going back to Paris, it would be setting foot on the airport.
They say that the wise man learns from his mistakes…
That’s all good, but…
I think the REAL wise man learns from other people’s mistakes.
I have a point there, don’t you think?
For someone who has decided to stay in the Philippines, with conviction no less, I get a lot of job offers from abroad. Offers that I don’t even ask for. It’s days like these that I have to admit that I have one those career experiences that people dream of. I never fell in line for a job. It would always be a circumstance where a VP or such would set a meeting with me to offer the job, or a permutation thereof.
‘Tis the season for job hunting, do you know that? The fourth quarter of the year, that’s the peak time when companies face high levels of attrition, hence, the need for new people by the beginning of the new year. You can just imagine, week by week, I get a call or message from a very persuasive (and annoyingly perky) recruiter. Sometimes, especially in my low days, I would wonder if it’s a sign that I should be off to my new adventure. So in low days such as the last three days, you can’t blame me if I sent in my CV, finally.
It’s for a Hongkong-based client offering up to a hundred thousand dollars in annuall income, supposedly. I don’t know, people always admire me for saying that I want to make the good life possible here in the Philippines. But when you’re faced with golden(?) opportunities on a weekly basis, you start to think if the universe is trying to tell you something.
Maybe, if this works out, we can call it a gigantic dodge… a dodge from the imminent heartache (again!) that I’ve unintentionally set myself up for.
Just when I thought I was safe,
You found me in my hiding place,
Id promised never again
I wouldnt give my heart, but then
Closer, closer I moved near you
The way I want you makes me fear youLove breaks and love divides
Love laughs and love can make you cry
I cant believe the ways
That love can give
And love can take awayI find it hard to explain
It’s crazy, but its happening
And Im falling again
Much further than Ive ever been
Im falling deeper than the ocean
I am lost in this emotion-Love Gives Love Takes by The Corrs
The song above pretty much sums it all up. I felt my heart slip into another mistake last night, and I just muttered, “God, not again!”
As I made my way to Global City just an hour ago, I rode one of those crazy cab drivers that litter the Metro. For some reason, my sense of safety was out of whack then. Perhaps it was because I failed to do meditation, coming home at 10 o’clock in the morning from an all-nighter drinking session. Anyway, as he sped his way and almost killing us numerous times (in my perspective), a thought flashed before me: “What if this is IT?”
What if right then, fate would swoop down and take me from this earth? Would people wonder what I was thinking about then? What would they put on my epitaph? Would I even have an inscription on my final resting place? What words would I want to be placed on it anyway?
If I were to leave this material plane right now, I hope that the people who survived me would write there:
Here lies J. A. Suarez, who lived as fiercely as he loved.
Or something like that.
I know, it’s kind of morbid to think about it. But when you’ve lost so many significant people as I have, death is not something to be afraid of. It’s inevitability, because nothing in the world could be more constant.
Coming from a stroll at Trinoma, I was dropped off by my favorite couple at our house at around ten last night. Trinoma being Triangle North of Manila, is way up north and I being a southerner from Paranaque, that it was such a long trip for them to trek. This couple is just so nice. As I stepped out of the car and into our compound’s gate, I noticed a white cat sitting on my driveway. I thought it was my cat Mu, but like so many in my life, he had already passed on some time ago. His eyes gleamed pink, and so I finally saw the difference. Mu’s eyes were pink and blue. I couldn’t find the cat this morning.
I have been asking for a sign if the path I’m taking right now is the right one for me. I now know that the path of the truth is the most difficult to take, but ultimately it is what’s right. The path of the truth is the path of heart, after all.
—
The Gratitudes
Thank you for old friends.
Thank you for the gift of truth
that I can finally share with them.Thank you for new friends.
Thank you for that one cathartic moment
that made one realize faults.Thank you for the love,
the hurt, and all the other emotions.
Thank you for the the circumstances
that plucked me out of my half-life.Thank you for the signs,
the realizations, and the moments of clarity.
Thank you for the gift of learning.Thank you for the priceless experiences.
Thank you for the life
that is ever so colourful.-by midnight anxiety, October 7, 2007
Kakainin mo ang mga salita mo. When you use this phrase in an argument, make sure that it’s not Jessica Zafra on the other end. That’s because she will say, “sureness!” and leave you dumbfounded. Well, maybe not sureness, I’m channeling chuvaness, but you get the idea. After losing a bet between friends, she’s going to eat paper, on video. It’s supposed to come out in October. I can’t wait hahaha.
I use this tactic to win arguments very often, while getting the best surprised looks from people. When someone tells me something like, “You’re such a bitch” or “Ang taray“ I say “Ah talaga..” or “Oh yes I am!”
But they know that it’s all in good fun… maybe…
Coming out of this heartbreak (Yes, I’m on my way out. Thank you.). I learned new things about the facts of love and of myself. Specifically, how much my heart can take. For the sake of process improvement, and because I’m O.C. like crazy, I formulated my rules of disengagement:
Following the sign, I went to A Different Bookstore and bought the book today.
Another thing I attracted. A week or so ago, my friend Rach asked me to get her a bag similar to my Gitara bag. I wished to find something better, and found it sitting right next to the bookstore.
Muslin knockoffs of the Anya Bag! They copied the design detail accurately, I must say.
Lousy night last night. What can I say? Rejection simply sucks. I decided to sleep with a broken heart, hoping that the night’s rest would heal it. The plan didn’t work.
Mei, my New Yorker friend, popped me online as I was preparing for work.
She told me that she broke up with her long time boyfriend. Great. Misery loves company. I told her about my very fresh wounds. She asked if my working too hard killed my love life, again. I said “no, I just fell too hard.” I fell too hard. I have this thing about written words. It doesn’t matter how much I think of it. It means more to me when I see it on paper (or on screen, you get the idea).
I went about working today with glassy eyes. Next to uncertainty, the feeling I hate most is self-pity. I hate that it has a lingering effect on me. Even the clothes I wore today were very dark. Outside at lunch, I have my very dark black framed shades, the ones that I almost never wear. I looked like a second-guessing version of myself.
After lunch, I sat myself on my desk and decided to put on the jacket I kept in the cold office. Then off I went to the washroom to do my business. Looking at my reflection in the mirror, the more assured self crept in, and I thought to myself: “Ano ba?! Look at what your wearing!”
Moral of the story: Self-pity is a luxury for people in rags, and not for Armani wearing twats.
The next time you have to thread the MRT’s flights of stairs, try this: concentrate on each step, making sure your whole foot is on the concrete, until you get to the top. When I do this, I get to the top without panting. There must be a physics way of explaining this, but I can only tell you my psychology behind it. By taking the struggle one step at a time, the seemingly tiring task of running up and down stairs become simpler.
In life, I think we can get just as much mileage if we concentrate on the small goals, than when we concentrate on the bigger goals. We also eliminate the risk of getting overwhelmed by the greater purpose. I think we are not designed to fathom that, for thinking that we can solve the evils of the world as an individual is arrogance in itself.
Conversation in the office pantry:
Anonymous: (Looking at the packed lunch for sale) Ang sarap naman niyan, Maling?
Me: Spam ba ito or Maling?
Anonymous: Baka Maling with pork bits
Me: Ha? Di ba ang Maling pork?
Is there really Maling with pork bits? Redundant - Meat on mystery meat. Maling, like hotdog, is what my polish friend Monika calls mystery meat, because you don’t really know what’s in it, do you? You just have to trust that it’s really what it says on the label. Think about this when you take another bite Maling (or hotdog) in the morning.
People rearrange furniture when they’re stressed…
I make people I’m stressed about rearrange furniture for me.
