Hollow

There are days when you feel like there’s a fistful of bad feelings that’s pressing itself against your gut.  I’ve been feeling like that all morning.

Right now, one thing’s for sure:  there’s nothing else I want better to do but quit my job, and drop some friends.  Just to relieve the pressure I’m under, most of which comes from my own dislike to waste time.  I dislike that I’ve been thoroughly left displaced and dispassionate about my job.  I hate that some friends are jerks, and that they repel other budding friendships.

I think I need that one cathartic moment that I’ve been asking the Universe for very badly… and soon…

Barrier

Blame this on my upbringing, that in times of emotional stress I usually become agreeable and diplomatic.  My mother is my number one role model for this.  She says yes to everything, even if she doesn’t mean it, in the name good ties.  Just a couple of days ago, I received a call from my aunt saying that a family is claiming the hand of my brother (yes, true story), saying that my mother agreed to have him wed their youngest daughter.  Correct me if I’m wrong, but this is the year 2008, right?

Having that matter to straighten out as my responsibility aside, today has been a stressful week for me.  Like good old solid stress in the bottle.  You can almost feel that I have a veil in between me and my true distress.

I’m just trying to get by, in the name of good ties.

The Phantom Zone

If you’ve read this blog for some time now, you know that my emotions are directly connected to my skills and abilities.  I’ve already accepted it… that’s just the way it is with me.  Much like how most superheroes’ powers work, you know?

We’ve already established that.  What worries me is that, for sometime now, I feel like I’ve been running around almost powerless.  I think I’m still stuck in my dispassionate rut – my very own phantom zone.

It is starting to scare me…

To Run with It

Please indulge me by letting me say these thoughts out loud…

Maybe living as formidable, and as alone as before, would not work for me anymore.  But in my conversations (with people), a realization broke through.  A realization that maybe, indiscretion in making friendships, in exploring budding ones, and the failure of some, have unconsciously left me with a bad aftertaste.  Maybe that is the source of my wanting to be more alone.

(Our favorite Amazon, Diana… formidable but not at all alone…)

Maybe I should just take whoever friends I have and run with it.  I’m fortunate enough to know who my friends are, anyway.  I feel that I should not be as open in making new ones now, because a lot of them may fail… And I don’t like to be taken for granted just because it’s easy to be friends with me… And I don’t like to be taken for granted just because it’s not hard for me to forgive.

Prosthesis

Sometimes I become too comfortable with friends that it’s like they’re an extension of my arm.  Then something happens that rattles me back to the reality that it’s not the case.

In my wanting to quell this newly acquired dependence on them, the pockets of realism are but holes in a fogged up window that show me the truth. 

The truth is…  just like before, I am still alone.  I just know more people.

Togetherness and friendship, when it comes down to it, are illusions of the mind.  After the good times, the parties, we go home to our own houses, our nooks of solitude.  Friends may come and touch our lives.  Knowing them may change us for good.  They may stay or go.  But even if they stay, they cannot be with us all the time.  The Law of Impenetrability – Physics itself, dictates that we can never truly be together with another person.  Our skin itself separates us, after all.

Weatherproof

When it comes to cameras, my friends know that I’m really into Canon, but I saw this camera on TV.

 

I love that its compact and weatherproof.  So I’m thinking hmmm…

A backup digicam? hehe

Realizations of the Forgettable

As strong as my personality may seem to be, I do feel that I am somewhat a forgettable character.  I am the bestfriend of the lead character in movies, so to speak.

I am fine with that idea.  Who wants to be put under a microscope, anyway.

—

More than ever now, I want to erase myself from the memories of some people.

Maybe it’s just my being technical by nature, but I do believe that there is a reboot button of everyone – for any part of their lives.  Like these past few months, if I had the will to do it, I could disappear from recent acquaintances forever… a flick of a switch, or a switch of a sim card…

When you think about it, disappearing from the face of the earth is ironically easy nowadays.  Our interconnectivity, like lattice, can be shattered with one severed link.  For most of my friends, for example, our only communication is through our mobile phones.  I don’t know where they live and vice-versa.  If they were to lose my number, I doubt if anyone would take the time to check on me.  I doubt if anyone would even notice. 

We may be interconnected but those chains are fragile and superficial.

—

It usually takes me a week of living distant from friends before I start to realize, or remember, that I am self-reliant enough to actually not need them.

—

There is a lot more opportunities for you to find your center when you are alone.  The realization that you are free from other people’s misinterpretations of you then follows.

You will realize that, in that moment of aloneness, you don’t have to pretend anymore, or raise any facade or walls for defense.  You are just you, without any effort to project your individuality to others.

—

When was that last time that you felt like you could just be effortlessly YOU?

Solitude without Apologies

Is it really that much a crime to be strong-willed in this world nowadays, that people with such personalities be confined with their own walls of solitude?

I am such a soul,
a victim of my own fire
that burns brighter than most. 
But I embrace it
and curse all else
who do not see its beauty. – Forcera’s Flame by MidnightAnxiety

I know I have been pondering on this for a long time.  The turning on and on the Roundabout seems to be taking an eternity, the doubt brought about by my relentless, masochistic, forgiving heart.

But that’s about to change. 

I know I shine brightest
in solitude,
where not a soul 
makes my fire flicker
in doubt.

Updated 12AM Jan 28, 2008:

Will someone please splash cold water on me to get me back to earth.  I need to be reminded that I have friends who love me, and that it’s all that matters for now.  Someone other than me, because I can’t even convince myself right now. 

Metal Monkey

The Chinese new year is coming up.  My friend Rach and I went to buy our gears for the year of the Rat over lunch.  This year will be good for me, but I have to be careful in my friendships (My sentiments, exactly!).  So far, I got the Mantra Ring to help me with that.

I looked into my sign, I’m supposed to be a Metal Monkey, and here’s what I found:

The Monkey is the most versatile sign of the Chinese zodiac. Such people are often inventors, plotters, entertainers and the creative geniuses behind anything ingenious, including mischief. They have natural quick-wittedness which enables them to understand what is happening and then make a right decision. Even during a conversation a person born in this year is aware of what is going on around him/her, and then makes a mental note of who said what and stores it away for future reference. In general, with their agile minds and multiple talents, monkey types can master any subject. They are reliable and honest people so that any secret is safe in their hands. These people are also honest in their dealings and are very good at problem-solving: knowing how to listen closely and work out solutions at the same time.

Although these people are trustworthy and unlikely to hurt someone out of spite, they would never let people escape if they have behaved badly or damaged a monkey’s reputation. Their stamina and determination to achieve their main goals can make these people appear vain or manipulative. People born under this sign should be careful so they do not damage their friendships. It is important to remember for these persons that it would be wiser sometimes not to pursue their goals and simply let things pass.

Monkeys have flexible principles and serene self-confidence so they are completely content; but they usually manage to complicate the lives of others. But with their charm and persuasiveness they can make people believe that just knowing them is a privilege.

Career
When it comes to work, Monkeys can do just about anything. They adapt well to changing environments and they’re very intelligent. They work quickly, but they’ll frequently charge double for their services. Good career fields for Monkeys are accounting and banking. Other good careers for Monkeys include: scientist, engineer, stock market trader, air traffic controller, dealer, film director, jeweler and sales representative.

Relationships
When it comes to relationships, Monkeys aren’t quick to settle down. In fact, they generally are promiscuous; a tendency that probably has to do with the fact that Monkeys are easily bored. Monkeys will end this type of behavior once they pair up with the perfect partner. In fact, more often than not, they’ll commit to that person in every way for life.

Metal Monkey – Years 1920 and 1980
Metal Monkeys are determined and ambitious individuals and as a result, they’re often successful. Although they’re considered warm-hearted and very likeable, their preference in life is to be alone. Metal Monkeys are loyal to both their employers and their partners.

What was written there has a very uncanny resemblence to the real thing (me!).  I’m gonna try to complete all the gear before February 7…  It won’t hurt to be protected.

Ouroboros

Got this from my friend Steph’s status.

We are what we repeatedly do.  Excellence then is not an act but a habit. – Aristotle

The second phrase notwithstanding, I reckon that the first one answers some of the questions lingering in my mind.  Admittedly, there are some cycles I fell into that I need to break.  It’s this kind of messages that provide the wind beneath my wings to finally wander out.

If not, I’d be chasing my tail like the Ouroboros… Beautiful but pointless…

Backache of Discontent

I’ve been feeling a bit of a backache lately.  But this evening it just worsened.  So I find myself laying here in bed, a slave to my thoughts.

I have to admit to myself that I’ve been restless for a few days now.  I might be feeling discontent over a lot of things in my life.  It’s as if  I have to undergo another major change or something.  It must be the new year, or the fact that I’m always worried that something bad will happen this time of year, as it did the last couple of times.

I must trust that only good things are waiting for me in the future.

Somewhere along the road of my life, I want to be the man in this poem:

The man of life upright, whose guiltless heart is free
From all dishonest deeds and thoughts of vanity:
The man whose silent days in harmless joys are spent,
Whom hopes cannot delude, nor fortune discontent;
That man needs neither towers nor armor for defense,
Nor secret vaults to fly from thunder’s violence:
He only can behold with unaffrighted eyes
The horrors of the deep and terrors of the skies;
Thus scorning all the care that fate or fortune brings,
He makes the heaven his book, his wisdom heavenly things;
Good thoughts his only friends, his wealth a well-spent age,
The earth his sober inn and quiet pilgrimage.

-Guiltless Heart by Sir Francis Bacon

My idea of perfection.

Mist and Stone

Today, I learned (from my own and other people’s experiences) that 

• A person cannot control everything
• Rules can be broken
• Laws have exceptions
• Faith can wane
• The will, however strong, will sometimes falter

You can try to stick to the List all you want.  But there are too many variables in this world that from time to time, you just can’t help but throw it out the window sometimes.

Where’s the fun in a numbered existence anyway.  Destinies are not set in stone, right?

Sunrise, Sunset

Catching this sunrise, I’m glad I woke up early the morning of the New Year’s eve. 

I remember this Sunset photo I took in Copenhagen a couple of years ago

When I see these photos, it reminds me of the excerpt from The Fiddler on the Roof song.

Sunrise, sunset
Sunrise, sunset
Swiftly flow the days
Seedlings turn overnight to sunflowers
Blossoming even as we gaze

Sunrise, sunset
Sunrise, sunset
Swiftly fly the years
One season following another
Laden with happiness and tears

-Sunrise, Sunset from the Fiddler on the Roof OST

I love this song, even if those are the only lines that I know.  I think I remember them from listening to my Dad’s vinyl collection over the years.

I miss my Dad.  At times, I can’t help but feel like his sunset came too soon… way too soon…

Lackluster

For some reason, I could not get myself to sleep when I went horizontal at around 3AM today.  There’s just too many things on my mind right now, so much of it: insecurities.  Perhaps the extended period of procrastination has finally taken its toll on my mind.

Personally, I know it’s silly and miniscule, but I worry that I may have nothing more of myself to share to people around me… my friends in particular.  That maybe I have taught all the lessons I had to teach.  I feel like I’m slipping into the shadows, so to speak.  I don’t want to grandstand, but I don’t want to be completely ignored either.

It didn’t help that the Former Pakistan Prime Minister Bhutto’s assassination was all over the news.  I worry about what the world has become.

Oh well, all we can do is focus on peace, you know, to attract it.  As for my personal issues, I guess I am too formidable a soul to be dependent on other people’s attention.

Midnight Anxiety: The Inevitable Wall

What if you are faced with this enormous wall, and you know that scaling it will change you forever?

What if you know that not all your friends will be able to go with you to the other side?

That’s the downside to evolution, not everybody gets to move on.

Someone always gets left behind…

Quelling

I am strong. I am pure invincibility.
The heart of the warrior calls my name.
When he calls on strength.

I wear the Nephilim
As I master the forces
That affect the weak of heart

I quell negativity.
I quell hate and Infidelity.
I quell doubt; I quell distrust,

Insecurity and weakness,
I reject them all.
I am too strong to accept them.

I accept only positivity,
Trustworthiness, and hope.
Above all else, I accept love.

-midnight anxiety, 12/20/2007

I called it a wave of change, this inevitable wall I have to scale.  I know that the issue that triggered it has pacified, but it is still coming.

That’s what new years are all about really – changes.

Warp Speed

Who would’ve thought that my life(career, social, love) would be set in such a fast pace… warp speed even.  If my present self travelled back in time to tell my past-self (of august or earlier) that I will be THIS busy, then I would have laughed at him.

But what if this vessel isn’t built for warp travel?  What if this fast-paced life compromises my structural integrity?  When I asked the Universe for social abundance, I never thought I would be on the verge of thinking if I should hire another ME to live at least half of it.

I should slow down to maximum impulse, at the very least.  Haaayz

The Last Straw

Gossip, that’s the last straw that broke the camel’s back.

A wave of change is going to sweep through my life these next few weeks.   I feel like I need to redirect and reprioritize.  Some connections, some friendships, I need to let go of.  To free the mind, the soul, and the heart of recent bonds may be the answer to help me spread my wings anew. 

I finally accept the idea that inorder for new things to happen, I need to make space.

Hellish Tuesday

Today I learned that

1. Some days, you just shouldn’t get out of bed.
2. People will try to trick their way to circumvent your principles just to get what they want from you.
3. When number 2 happens, just move on and say: nice knowing you!  Forgiveness in this case is overrated. (Still trying to learn this right now!)
4. When planning your work, don’t be so accomodating – ergo a doormat.  You might not have the luxury to complain later.

I hate this day.  I simply HAYRETT!!!

Update December 5, 3:30AM:  I’m just trying to get myself a cab now.  I hope this is the last of these kind of days.

My Fine Print

I’ve always been commended for being a good friend.  Admittedly, I always make it a point to be there for them, to catch them when they fall.  I listen to them, and do my best not to judge them in the process.

I may put my friendships in high regard, but as I am only human, there is a flaw in all of this.  Call me arrogant, but I want my friends to show me the same amount of respect and trust that I give them.  Anything less will corrode the ties that bind our friendships together. 

These few days that have passed, the flaw is involuntarily in action again.  Hearing such distrustful words from a friend I held dear, the act of corrosion just seems too slow a metaphor.  Doing the proverbial Roundabout and getting off on the opposite direction, a one-eighty, is more like it.

Changing Times

Going out with friends, we found ourselves on a rooftop somewhere, drinking the night away.  In the conversations, one told about how they lost a guitar and some other thing I could not recall.  On reflex, I started to say that I had this guitar to give

But I stopped myself in the process.  Nevermind that I will never ever use it, and that it would be better off with that friend of mine.  When it comes down to it, I refuse to put my generosity in scrutiny once again…  In the eyes of unworthy beings no less – a pair that typifies obliviousness and haste of a foolhardy.

Times have changed indeed.  I now have to think first before doing something good.  It’s very parallel to lines in one of the songs of Wicked

No good deed goes unpunished
No act of charity goes unresented
No good deed goes unpunished
That’s my new creed…

All helpful urges should be circumvented
No good deed goes unpunished
Sure, I meant well -
Well, look at what well-meant did…

-No Good Deed from Wicked

Is this the trend these days?  Not my loss, I guess. 

Cortical Suppression

For some reason today, I could not truly concentrate when I tried to get into meditative state this morning.  Maybe it’s because my heart was wounded from a recent encounter.  It shouldn’t have happened, if I had the will to quell the feeling.  Besides, I already have someone else who is  more… emotionally available.

Yet again, my heart failed to receive the memo re: every fiber of being to move on. haaay

I don’t even find this person worth holding on to anymore… being someone who can’t distinguish between acknowledging one’s feelings and crossing the line.  There is a difference…  Love is, after all, an inexhaustible resource.  People can always create as much as they need.

A strong will to make things happen, and a mind closed from this distraction… these things I ask from the Universe.  I want to wake up one day and not feel anything about this predicament.

Serenity for the Mature

The mark of the immature man is that he wants to die nobly for a cause, while the mark of the mature man is that he wants to live humbly for one – Wilhelm Stekel, Catcher in the Rye by J.D. Salinger

I think I just finally applied this quote to my life recently.  I was faced with a fork in the road - to go down in flames, or to be present in silence.  I realized, in the nick of time, that not facing a circumstance can attract more attention rather than going with the flow.  There is grace for people who quietly glide through the storm, after all.

To affect the change in oneself as quietly as possible, one must not change his outward actions so quickly.  The change must come from deep within, and permeate ever so quietly to one’s surroundings.  Outward changes must be done ONLY at the last possible time. 

What I was really hanging around for, I was trying to feel some kind of a good-bye.  I mean I’ve left schools and places I didn’t even know I was leaving them.  I hate that.  I don’t care if it’s a sad good-bye or a bad good-bye, but when I leave a place I like to know I’m leaving it.  If you don’t, you feel even worse.  – Catcher in the Rye by J.D. Salinger

When I decide to leave something behind, it will not be like that.  You will not know it.  I will be invisible.  I will be like a shadow.

Missing

It’s the day of my mother’s passing.  I remember, two years ago to this moment, I was building a wall around my heart just to survive the impact of all that happened.  I had to be strong for everybody else from that day forward.

But the walls, they’re crumbling now…

I was listening to the song For Good from the musical Wicked just now.  When I started to sing along to this part of the song, I suddenly got choked up.  I finally burst into tears.

It well may be
That we will never meet again
In this lifetime
So let me say before we part
So much of me
Is made of what I learned from you
You’ll be with me
Like a handprint on my heart
And now whatever way our stories end
I know you have re-written mine
By being my friend

Like a ship blown from its mooring
By a wind off the sea
Like a seed dropped by a skybird
In a distant wood
Who can say if I’ve been changed for the better?
But because I knew you:
I have been changed for good.

I miss the people I’ve lost.  After all these years, the pain is still buried deep inside me.  True, it did get better, but it will never be alright that they’re gone.

Just A Poem

It’s just a poem, telling you that I love you
It’s just a poem, showing you that I care
It’s just a poem, saying I’m glad that I have you
It’s just a poem, saying that I’m just here

Even though you’re just a friend of mine
The tender love inside will never subside
As you’ve just brought me the sunshine
A sunshine that gave light to my life

I just want to say this to you
It may be plain and simple
Yet these are the words of my heart
Telling you that I’ll never part.

-Excerpt from Just A Poem by Enzo

Lovely poem.  I can relate. (tear)

If I could be like an eagle,
I’d swoop down to steal you,
and take you under my wings…

If my Id was stronger,
I’d act on my desire to be with you,
and quell all the good reasons not to…

If my heart was darker,
I’d destroy friendships
to make you mine forever…

But I am not that man…
I still value friendships…
I still side with what’s right…

I love you,
But I won’t deserve you
if you become mine now…

-If You’d be Mine Now by Midnight Anxiety, Nov 7, 2007

Splash of Explanation

The answers washed over me like water, clearing the hazy vision I’ve been burdened with all morning.

To this person, it doesn’t really answer all the whys.  It just validates why I had to meet you.

I’ve heard it said
That people come into our lives for a reason
Bringing something we must learn
And we are led
To those who help us most to grow
If we let them
And we help them in return
Well, I don’t know if I believe that’s true
But I know I’m who I am today
Because I knew you…

Like a comet pulled from orbit
As it passes a sun
Like a stream that meets a boulder
Halfway through the wood
Who can say if I’ve been changed for the better?
But because I knew you
I have been changed for good

-Excerpt from Wicked’s For Good

I had to meet you because I had to become a better man of my word, and a better friend.

On Strike!

When I asked the Universe for love and friendship, I  had hoped for the best.  But when it came to me, my life was thrown in turmoil… and I have been flung left and right, getting hurt in more ways than one.

Maybe they’re right.  You get trampled on when you bow to make peace.  I am not a humble person, yet I choose humility in times of arguments…  You get abused when you are generous.  I am not giving by nature, yet I choose “giving” as my mantra in life….  And friendships… Friendships don’t always give you what you want…

I feel like there’s this big proverbial joke being played on me…

Just today, after a bad start, a bicycle zooms in and hits me on the side on my way to work.  I just cannot believe it…  The Universe just sent a bike to hit me when I’m down!

“I just cannot believe this!”, I thought in that moment.  That’s it!  I’m on strike!  I’m staying put until the Universe turns my luck around.

A Monday So Manic…

… like you’ve never seen before.

It’s the morning of the first day of work after a long weekend and I just cried my eyes out.  My heart feels like it just broke in two – why does it feel like the hurt is almost physical?  My back hurts for some reason.  I have never ever felt so alone like this in ages.  The thing is, I don’t want to reach out for help… I’d rather curl up in bed and implode.  Sweet release!!!

But my heart still hurts… almost literally.

Why did the universe chain me into a shell with an empathic heart?  What is it in the past that triggered me to become this sensitive and helpful, even to my heart’s expense?  I have not had the sweetest life.  I bear heavy burdens.  Yet I seem to have the luxury to be understanding, cordial, well-mannered and good.  Why am I always predisposed to choosing the right path, however thorn-laiden it may be?

Rant rant rant…  I’m sorry, it’s just my heart talking – a heart that is weary of hurt.

Contemplation Over Shopping Bags

While other people throw themselves into a murderous rage when stressed, I throw myself into a murderous shopping spree…

I call this pic, My Ode to Coming to Work Early, because it is never going to happen again.  I decided to restock on supplies and add a few more to my daily routine.

I don’t know… but shopping, especially when alone, is really a big stress reliever for me.  Although I still think of my problems, I reflect on it more inwardly.  Plus going for a fitting and standing in front of a big mirror just gives you a better perspective on yourself.

On my third fitting at Ducks, I looked at myself in the mirror and realized that, “Yes, I am resilient.  I am strength personified.”  Deep inside I’ve always known that.  Remembering it now makes me question why ever did I become dependent on new friendships… Of friendships that turned out to be full of distrust from the start.  I hate distrust, especially when it is directed on me.  I don’t care how minute the situation may be, but distrust is always a big reason to sever ties for my own sake.

When I met these new friends, my life changed… rapidly and unconsciously.  But now, I have to make the same leap to a changed life, only this time it’s a conscious effort and a quiet one.  It might be hard, but I know it can be done.

End result: a shirt, a pair of shorts, beauty products and a plan.  Not bad, ei?

A Glimpse into Mortality

As I made my way to Global City just an hour ago, I rode one of those crazy cab drivers that litter the Metro.  For some reason, my sense of safety was out of whack then.  Perhaps it was because I failed to do meditation, coming home at 10 o’clock in the morning from an all-nighter drinking session.  Anyway, as he sped his way and almost killing us numerous times (in my perspective), a thought flashed before me:  “What if this is IT?”

What if right then, fate would swoop down and take me from this earth?  Would people wonder what I was thinking about then?  What would they put on my epitaph?  Would I even have an inscription on my final resting place?  What words would I want to be placed on it anyway? 

If I were to leave this material plane right now, I hope that the people who survived me would write there: 

Here lies J. A. Suarez, who lived as fiercely as he loved.

Or something like that.

I know, it’s kind of morbid to think about it.  But when you’ve lost so many significant people as I have, death is not something to be afraid of.  It’s inevitability, because nothing in the world could be more constant.

Temporal Anomaly

This song, Katharine Mcphee’s Over It, is a good one.  In one of my conversations with my new friend Chris, I mentioned it.  Chris, ever the honest-to-goodness bloke that he is, told me flat out, “Angelo, hindi mo pa kaya” (Loosely translated in context: “Angelo, you don’t have the heart to sing it yet”).  After getting her album and downloading it into my Ipod, I tried to sing along to the lyrics.

He’s right.  It felt like my future self travelled back in time to tell me how I’m going to feel. 

 

Over It

I’m over your lies,
and I’m over your games.
I’m over you asking me,
when you know I’m not okay.
You call me at night,
and I pick up the phone.
And though you’ve been telling me,
I know you’re not alone.
oh..

That’s why
(your eyes)
I’m over it
(your smile)
I’m over it
(realize)
I’m over it
I’m over it
I’m over..

Wanting you,
to be wanting me.
No that ain’t no way to be.
How I feel, read my lips,
because I’m so over..
Moving on, it’s my time,
you never were a friend of mine.
Hurt at first, a little bit,
but now I’m so over.
I’m so over it..

I’m over your hands,
and I’m over your mouth.
Trying to drag me down,
and fill me with self-doubt.
oh..

That’s why,
(your words)
I’m over it
(so sure)
I’m over it
(I’m not your girl)
I’m over it

I’m over it
I’m over…

Wanting you,
to be wanting me.
No that ain’t no way to be.
How I feel, read my lips,
because I’m so over..
Moving on, it’s my time,
you never were a friend of mine.
Hurt at first, a little bit,
but now I’m so over.
I’m so over it..

Don’t call,
don’t come by,
ain’t no use,
don’t ask me why,
you’ll never change,
there’ll be no more crying in the rain.

Wanting you,
to be wanting me.
No that ain’t no way to be.
How I feel, read my lips,
because I’m so over..
Moving on, it’s my time,
you never were a friend of mine.
Hurt at first, a little bit,
but now I’m so over.
I’m so over it..

I’m so over it….
I’m over it….

Well, I hope he is just a few days into the future.