Faith and Happiness

I received this comment recently:

Dear Ador,

Missed seeing you when I visited Manila.  Although you and Aki stayed in Digos for a while, I haven’t had the time to get to know you as a person and develop a special bond with you although I consider you part of our extended family.

As you matured, watching you from a distance, I know that you are a special person and a gifted one.

You have achieved so much and still achieving more.  Yet, despite your achievements, you are still alone and lonely inside.  Your blogs (well-written!) revealed your sadness… for a reason.  Yet, I can sense that despite the successes in your career, your heart is still yearning for more.  Try to examine closely the reason for such restlessness.

Like St. Augustine, your heart will always be restless until it rests in Him…. Material things will never replace the comfort that He can give.  We can acquire all the gadgets and bags in the world but we can never be truly happy and serene inside.  Perhaps, you need to open your heart, mind and soul (and wallet…) to the needy.  Perhaps, like Mother Teresa and St. Francis of Assisi (2 of my favorite saints), you will truly find what you’ve been missing all your life…  can’t help preaching… sorry

As the song written by Manuel V. Francisco, SJ goes,

In Him  alone is our hope, in Him alone is our strength.
In Him  alone are we justified, in Him alone are we saved.
What have we   to offer that does not fade or wither?
Can the world ever satisfy the emptiness in our hearts?     In vain we    deny.
When will you cease running in search of hollow meaning?
Let His love feed the hunger in your soul till it overflows
With joy you yearn to know.

As an Ate, I just feel the need to reestablish the lost link between us no matter how thin that link was.  I hope you will get in touch with me and consider me your spiritual Ate…

Despite your distance and deliberate attempts to cut us off from your life, I conside you and Aki as my younger brothers…  I still treasure the picture you had with Aki, Masol, Mama, Tiya Cita at the old Mary Mediatrix Church taken during your recognition day years back….

Finally, you may explore the writings of Anthony de Mello, St. Ignatius of Loyola and St. Augustine.  Perhaps, you may approach a Jesuit spiritual director to become your confidante and counselor.  My prayer is that you will have to grace to have a fuller life with Him…

Take care always and strive to be happy.  Do not think that you are alone because you are not and never will be…

Mizpah.

Ate Joy

I answered her with this comment:

Hi Ate,

Thank you for your generous comment.

I am sorry if I don’t get to communicate with you as much.  Life is indeed busy.  I am riding the wave of my career, of which I believe is because I already paid my dues from the past years.  It simply is foolhardy to stop now.  One thing I have learned about myself is that I tend to have a one track mind, and tend to lose track of how long I’ve not been talking to my relatives.

Regarding my blogs, I am sorry if I tend to show you a refracted view of myself in them.  Despite all the things that happened to me, I am a happy person.  Now more than ever, God has given me all the things that I have focused on: meaningful friendships, love, truth and clarity.  I may not mention it, but I know that I do have a special relationship with God, more than any Sabbath obligation can bring.  It just so happened that besides going to mass and other “traditional” methods of worship, I use my daily meditations to reach into myself and to HIM.  In my blog, when I say “The Universe”, I am actually referring to God in metaphysical terms.
 
Whatever conflict I went through inside, it’s basically a side effect of one of God’s gifts to me – love and all the happiness and hurt that it brings.  Yes, sometimes I am sad.  Sometimes I even feel like I’m stuck in a quagmire.  But all in all, I thank Him for reminding me that I am still human.

I do admit that after our recent loss, I felt kind of lost, then felt formidable.  So formidable that I became unfeeling and shut myself from other people.  But it’s different now, I am breaking down those walls.  I am a very empathic person.  I think that’s one of the gifts that God has given to me.  So empathic that I do know that the material things that I write about are just that: material.  I write about them because I like writing about them, and I like that most of my readers like reading about those.  I buy some of them because either I need or want them.  I do not, in any case, try to substitute them for real emotional gratification.

Thanks Ate and hope to talk to you soon.

/Angelo

I know some people have hearts big enough to give unsolicited advice, and I truly appreciate that.  But know that whatever entries in my blogs are, they are just that: entries in my blogs.  These may be my thoughts, but these are not all that I think about.  I do not think of gadgets and bags all day, that’s what I’m simply saying.  I always thank God and I have a relationship with Him, although I seldom write about it.

I may look unforgiving, arrogant and without faith because I show resilience after weathering the strongest of storms.  But I survived them because I pinned myself against a wall, a Higher Power.

Perhaps my faith is even stronger than those who use the scriptures… because I have already faced the worst of things… of loss… and I stood my ground beside my God… and triumphed.  Now that is beyond scriptures, wouldn’t you think so?

Gazing

The aura supposedly reflects a supernatural energy field or life force that permeates all things – that’s the definition I got from the internet.  I believe in this.  The belief in auras encompass religions, actually.  Do you know when someone walks into a room and everybody seems to notice?  That person has an extended aura.  They said that Gautama Buddha had an aura that extended to a hundred meters in diameter.

One of the first things a student learns in the Core-energy module is how to see another person’s aura.  In the exercise, two students face each other, each one focuses on the other’s forehead just between the eyebrows (where the crown chakra is).  If you concentrate for a few moments and then close your eyes, you will see the outline of the person formed by the aura in the darkness.

You don’t have to be psychic to see it.  Try it sometime.

Sound of Mind’s Silence

Another gift was given to me today as I woke up.  I just realized that after a few weeks, I had regained the ability to silence my mind.  Finally, in the midst of the inner and outer turmoils I have experienced, I can stop for moment and just quell them, as I hone in on a specific thought or purpose.  Even if there is no thought or purpose, I can focus on silence.

Focus.  This is a gift that I have been asking the universe, for weeks on end.  This I regained with my mind’s silence.

I give gratitude to God for this.

Midnight Anxiety: Holding My Breath

A pool of negativity is welling up in me.  I am gathering every ounce of good experiences I can muster just to keep it at bay.  It feels like holding my breath really, for fear that releasing my lungs will also cause the tears to flow out of me uncontrollably.  Articulating it right now, at this very height of feeling, helps me somehow – like digging tiny streams to ease the raging river.

I have never felt like this in a long time.  I never thought that a tiff with co-workers would ever trigger such feelings.  Perhaps it’s more than just a tiff, for weeks now seeds of doubt have been sown about the sincerity of some people I work with.  I assure you that I am not imagining it, for empathy is both a gift and a burden that I carry.  The very moment that they had an opportunity to mock me among themselves, I felt that very feeling.  It sickened me that such ill-will could ever be directed towads me.

I never asked for the position to lead.  I am a leader by circumstance, I tell you.

Not Just a Drizzle

The prayer of the whole nation has been answered.  The heavens finally poured down its graces.  It has also been forecasted that this weather will prevail for the whole week.  I read on chuvaness that the Church has ask all the people to pray for the end of the dry spell last Sunday.  As the saying in the Old Testament, God has heard His people’s cries.

I remember some years ago, my friend Mayeec looked outside the third floor window of Allied Bank Center and said “Ah drizzle lang yan, tara!” (Ah, it’s just a drizzle, let’s go!).  We ended up drenched in the rain that day.  I think she will never be a meteorologist.

—

In core-energy terms, the united prayers of the people is called the Cone of Power.  It is said that when the intent of the group (In this case, the nation itself) is focused on one thing, results are definitely achieved.

The Solar Plexus Mix-up

Every core-energy student knows that the navel point is where the energy we call aura comes from.  In one of the earlier teachings I went through, the mentor called it solar plexus.  But the Solar Plexus is located midway between the navel and the base of the sternum.  So logically, I thought that point is the power source.  But for some reason, I felt that there was something wrong with the idea.  A classic case of confusion between your logic and instinct.

A recent research effort straightened out the facts for me.  The Navel point is indeed the battery of aura in the body, but it is not called the solar plexus, just simply the navel point or chakra.  Whereas the real Solar Plexus is associated with the functioning of the aura field.

Most writers refer to only a single point or chakra, located either at the navel or the solar plexus. However, as you can see, these two centres are quite distinct.

Getting the facts straight really helped out my meditations.  The conscious blocking the sub-conscious, what an irony.