Chalapchalap

This just came in for me…

I always ask people to buy me these whenever they go to Scandinavia.  Now it costs 25 Swedish Krones or 175Php a pop.  Mahalia jackson!!!  Oh well, I  can’t say that it’s not worth it. 

Yipee!!!

Two more on Monday, I hope…

What I Want for Christmas

For Christmas, this is what I want to buy for myself.

 

I want!!!

This is the Jack Spade Nylon Canvas Bale Case, in chocolate with bright red lining.  I checked the local Jack Spade store and it costs 7000+ Php. 

I call on the goddess of discounts, hummmmmm… I’ve been a good boy…  I hope Santa’s listening… Santa!  Santa Santita! Hahahaha

—

Update Oct 30 2007, 6:30AM: Mordechai Rubenstein a.k.a. Mister Mort, the famous publicist for Jack Spade, just commented on this entry.  I’m so happy huhuhu!  (insert tears of joy here)

The Real Wise Man

They say that the wise man learns from his mistakes…

That’s all good, but…

I think the REAL wise man learns from other people’s mistakes.

I have a point there, don’t you think?

The Shoe Wanting Journey

I heard my jaw drop when Jimmy told me that they saw a Sanuk store in Glorietta.  So before my meetings, I made it a point to visit the first Sanuk store in the world.  I’m not kidding, it is the first.

 

I bought the pair of tan slip-ons.  I’ve been wanting them for so long that I wore them right away, walking out of the store with my older Sanuks I came in with in tow.  This is perfect for me because Sanuks are very comfortable.  I know, Havs may be more affordable and just as comfy… but my toes are NOT for public viewing.

I also bought the Springfield sneakers that I’ve been wanting.  I had to go to two branches to get my size.  At 45% off… very affordable… even if I may not be able to wear it until next year because of the color.  I’d have to ask my aunt if it’s OK.

I just love productive Sundays…

Clicker Eyelav

I bought this software online today, and I’m so addicted to it, like super addicted! It’s the Salling Clicker for Windows.  Salling Clicker is the award-winning remote control software. It lets you control popular applications from a mobile phone or handheld computer through a user interface similar to a portable media player.

• Control PowerPoint, iTunes, Windows Media Player, and more with your mobile device.
• Works with all major Bluetooth stacks (no configuration required).
• Amazingly easy-to-use WiFi connectivity for long-range control.
• Works with over 300 devices.

I can control my computer, especially my iTunes, and change the music from anywhere around the house.  It’s better than remote because it uses WiFi (and Bluetooth).  I use my cellphone to access my computer from anywhere.  Di ba ang cool?!

This is not an advertisement ha, I heard about it at the office and decided to try it out as soon as I came home.  I bought the serial ten minutes after trying it. 

Delicious Ambiguity

“I always wanted a happy ending… Now I’ve learned, the hard way, that some poems don’t rhyme, and some stories don’t have a clear beginning, middle and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it without knowing what’s going to happen next. Delicious ambiguity.”
-Gilda Radner

I always say that uncertainty is one of my least liked feelings.  But sometimes, when in the middle of that murky cloud, a ray of clarity breaks through.  Then I see, in that one moment, that uncertainty also means possibilities… countless possibilities…

This Might Just be It… Again

For someone who has decided to stay in the Philippines, with conviction no less, I get a lot of job offers from abroad.  Offers that I don’t even ask for.  It’s days like these that I have to admit that I have one those career experiences that people dream of.  I never fell in line for a job.  It would always be a circumstance where a VP or such would set a meeting with me to offer the job, or a permutation thereof.

‘Tis the season for job hunting, do you know that?  The fourth quarter of the year, that’s the peak time when companies face high levels of attrition, hence, the need for new people by the beginning of the new year.  You can just imagine, week by week, I get a call or message from a very persuasive (and annoyingly perky) recruiter.  Sometimes, especially in my low days, I would wonder if it’s a sign that I should be off to my new adventure.  So in low days such as the last three days, you can’t blame me if I sent in my CV, finally.

It’s for a Hongkong-based client offering up to a hundred thousand dollars in annuall income, supposedly.  I don’t know, people always admire me for saying that I want to make the good life possible here in the Philippines.  But when you’re faced with golden(?) opportunities on a weekly basis, you start to think if the universe is trying to tell you something.

Maybe, if this works out, we can call it a gigantic dodge… a dodge from the imminent heartache (again!) that I’ve unintentionally set myself up for. 

Just when I thought I was safe,
You found me in my hiding place,
Id promised never again
I wouldnt give my heart, but then
Closer, closer I moved near you
The way I want you makes me fear you

Love breaks and love divides
Love laughs and love can make you cry
I cant believe the ways
That love can give
And love can take away

I find it hard to explain
It’s crazy, but its happening
And Im falling again
Much further than Ive ever been
Im falling deeper than the ocean
I am lost in this emotion

-Love Gives Love Takes by The Corrs

The song above pretty much sums it all up.  I felt my heart slip into another mistake last night, and I just muttered, “God, not again!”

The Proverbial Yardstick

Do you find me repulsive?  Am I too much in your face?  Am I too friendly, annoyingly friendly?  Am I trustworthy to you?

These are but a few questions that I want to ask each person I’ve come across with.  I am pliant enough to adjust that, if need be.

On the other hand, it’s not like I need friends to clamour for the ones who don’t like me.  I may be a social being, but I am also formidable and independent.  I have threaded some of the lowest points in my life without the presence of a single friend. 

Friendships, like clothes, are best chosen for their quality, not quantity.

Accenture Reunion

It’s always great to see friends again.  We had a chance to have dinner at Greenbelt3.

I especially missed Vani and AJ.  Haaay… I hope we can spend more time together. 

Vani was the only person I called when my sister died.  It got disconnected because my batteries ran out, and she had to fly to the U.S. that day.  That’s when I decided that I had to, yet again, deal with the dire situation alone. 

I can only wish them the very best!!!

I Want My Friends Safe

When this happened, I got worried for my friends.

I was on the phone almost all afternoon.  First checked out Dave and Cholo, then Jimmy and Vic, then Vani and my other Accenture friends. 

Cholo answered my call and said they were far from the site of the incident.

Jimmy replied that they were in Masas for the buffet, kainggit.

Vani texted back and said, “So far, everyone’s OK.”

What a relief to hear that…  Even if she couldn’t have been completely sure.

Forgiving Heart

I just realized today that to finally attract that feeling of forgiveness, maybe I should do the act first… outwardly.  If I bury the hatchet verbally, then maybe the concept will permeate into my own being.

By the law of attraction, I trust that I will acquire it soon enough.

A seed needs to break ground inorder to flourish, after all.

THUD!

I saw this at chuvaness’ site today.

Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah! (faint)  Thuddd! Kraaash!!!

Meaningful Connections

The Secret says that when you focus on something, by the Law of Attraction, you will acquire it.  In this case, I focused on abundance…

 

Abundance in friendships, among other things, that’s what I’m thankful for.

A Glimpse into Mortality

As I made my way to Global City just an hour ago, I rode one of those crazy cab drivers that litter the Metro.  For some reason, my sense of safety was out of whack then.  Perhaps it was because I failed to do meditation, coming home at 10 o’clock in the morning from an all-nighter drinking session.  Anyway, as he sped his way and almost killing us numerous times (in my perspective), a thought flashed before me:  “What if this is IT?”

What if right then, fate would swoop down and take me from this earth?  Would people wonder what I was thinking about then?  What would they put on my epitaph?  Would I even have an inscription on my final resting place?  What words would I want to be placed on it anyway? 

If I were to leave this material plane right now, I hope that the people who survived me would write there: 

Here lies J. A. Suarez, who lived as fiercely as he loved.

Or something like that.

I know, it’s kind of morbid to think about it.  But when you’ve lost so many significant people as I have, death is not something to be afraid of.  It’s inevitability, because nothing in the world could be more constant.

Temporal Anomaly

This song, Katharine Mcphee’s Over It, is a good one.  In one of my conversations with my new friend Chris, I mentioned it.  Chris, ever the honest-to-goodness bloke that he is, told me flat out, “Angelo, hindi mo pa kaya” (Loosely translated in context: “Angelo, you don’t have the heart to sing it yet”).  After getting her album and downloading it into my Ipod, I tried to sing along to the lyrics.

He’s right.  It felt like my future self travelled back in time to tell me how I’m going to feel. 

 

Over It

I’m over your lies,
and I’m over your games.
I’m over you asking me,
when you know I’m not okay.
You call me at night,
and I pick up the phone.
And though you’ve been telling me,
I know you’re not alone.
oh..

That’s why
(your eyes)
I’m over it
(your smile)
I’m over it
(realize)
I’m over it
I’m over it
I’m over..

Wanting you,
to be wanting me.
No that ain’t no way to be.
How I feel, read my lips,
because I’m so over..
Moving on, it’s my time,
you never were a friend of mine.
Hurt at first, a little bit,
but now I’m so over.
I’m so over it..

I’m over your hands,
and I’m over your mouth.
Trying to drag me down,
and fill me with self-doubt.
oh..

That’s why,
(your words)
I’m over it
(so sure)
I’m over it
(I’m not your girl)
I’m over it

I’m over it
I’m over…

Wanting you,
to be wanting me.
No that ain’t no way to be.
How I feel, read my lips,
because I’m so over..
Moving on, it’s my time,
you never were a friend of mine.
Hurt at first, a little bit,
but now I’m so over.
I’m so over it..

Don’t call,
don’t come by,
ain’t no use,
don’t ask me why,
you’ll never change,
there’ll be no more crying in the rain.

Wanting you,
to be wanting me.
No that ain’t no way to be.
How I feel, read my lips,
because I’m so over..
Moving on, it’s my time,
you never were a friend of mine.
Hurt at first, a little bit,
but now I’m so over.
I’m so over it..

I’m so over it….
I’m over it….

Well, I hope he is just a few days into the future.

I’m a Muse

One of my new friends, Enzo, posted this song/poem in his blog.  I was super flattered to find out that he wrote it for me, him being a reader of my blog.

I Must Say GoodBye
By Jose Lorenzo Narisma

Have you ever felt like you’re holding on
To the world that’s now going gone
Clinging on that memory that’s you and me
And hoping once again that we could be

It’s so hard to face it without you
But as I leave everything behind from you
And forget all the pain inside of me
Someday I know I’ll be strong, but

I know it’s gonna have to hurt
But my mind said that I mustn’t cry
But thinking about you makes it so hard to look on the other side
Now I know I have to run
And now move on from all that’s gone
It’ll be hard but I must see
I must say goodbye.

Somehow tomorrow may become brighter
That I might find someone to wipe my sorrow
But to get there I must forget you
And erase all my pain and the sorrow

It’s so hard to face everything without you
But I must leave everything behind
To forget all the pain I feel inside
Now that’s the choice I gotta make, and that’s why

I know it’s gonna have to hurt
And my mind said I mustn’t cry
But putting you behind makes my heart wanna fall and subside
I’ve got to have to find that hum
And move on from all I’ve lost
I know it’s hard but I will see
Now I must say goodbye

Of all the memory that you left behind
I know for certain that those will never be mine
Today I’m holding on, but tomorrow I’ll be strong
To face the world with you all gone

Now I have to face the hurt
And I know now that I mustn’t cry
I must put you all behind for me to be on that other side
Soon I know I gonna be alright
And moved on far from all the past
It may be hard but I shall see
Now I have to say goodbye

Goodbye… Goodbye… Goodbye…

I am still speechless.  Super!!!

Kaya pala ako tinamaan sa lyrics. hehehe

Crepe Love Affair

My love for crepes (not creeps, but I fell for one recently, argh!) was reaffirmed when I visited Paris.  See me below, sorry but the phrase fashionable tourist is REALLY an oxymoron…

But I’m wearing a fleece sweatshirt from GAP!!!  Oh well…  Anyway, we went to this restaurant that serves all kinds of crepes right by the Louvre.  So, I had an all-crepe lunch…

That’s their ham, cheese and egg crepe, and below is the blueberry crepe…

I have yet to find crepes as thin as those, but I’m loving Crepes and Cream at the Fort.  Especially their Pork floss breakfast crepe, yumyum…

 

Not to mention their Javapaloozas

 

If ‘heaven’ had another name… that would be it…

Idle Hands Must Type

Of all the days, bakit now pa ako naging idle?!

The universe just moved things and circumstances so that I would be left to wallow in the proverbial goo of misery and heartache this afternoon.  Argh!  My would-be interviewees decided to come earlier than expected such that I have a huge hole in my schedule.  What do I do?

With nothing to do, I rummaged through my bag and chanced upon a piece of receipt that the-source-of-my-miseries signed. “Put Tang in a glass naman o”, I muttered under my breath. “Why do I have to love you, when I don’t even like you anymore”, I wondered almost loudly.  I want out of this paradoxical situation, else I will implode.

I’m rambling again…

I must step back from all of this, because if I focus on it then it’ll stick on me like bird’s poo.

Lament of the Innocent

The Lamb (Songs of Innocence)

Little Lamb, who made thee?
Dost thou know who made thee?
Gave thee life, and bid thee feed,
By the stream and o’er the mead;
Gave thee clothing of delight,
Softest clothing, woolly, bright;
Gave thee such a tender voice,
Making all the vales rejoice?
Little Lamb, who made thee?
Dost thou know who made thee?

Little Lamb, I’ll tell thee,
Little Lamb, I’ll tell thee.
He is called by thy name,
For He calls Himself a Lamb.
He is meek, and He is mild;
He became a little child.
I a child, and thou a lamb,
We are called by His name.
Little Lamb, God bless thee!
Little Lamb, God bless thee!

The Tyger (Songs of Experience)

Tiger, Tiger, burning bright
In the forest of the night,
What immortal hand or eye
Could frame thy fearful symmetry?

In what distant deeps or skies
Burnt the fire of thine eyes?
On what wings dare he aspire?
What the hand dare seize the fire?

And what shoulder and what art
Could twist the sinews of thy heart?
And, when thy heart began to beat,
What dread hand and what dread feet?

What the hammer? What the chain?
In what furnace was thy brain?
What the anvil? What dread grasp
Dare its deadly terrors clasp?

When the stars threw down their spears,
And water’d heaven with their tears,
Did He smile His work to see?
Did He who made the lamb make thee?

Tiger, Tiger, burning bright
In the forests of the night,
What immortal hand or eye
Dare frame thy fearful symmetry?

- Poems by William Blake (1757-1827)

I wrote this once before…

Beware the good but deadly heart
For he can wield the might
that will smite all his oppressors.

Through the years, I have become both the Lamb and the Tiger.  People who know me would attest to how emotional I was.  A few of them would tell you what happened when all that changed.  They would tell you when I became an emotional assassin myself.  My friend Jeff told me that this “talent” of mine stems from my emotional past.  Since I knew of hurt, then I also know where people could be beaten down, he reasoned.

I forgot all of these things when I became more of my rational, intellectual self.  In my recent quest to attract love, I have been foolish enough to regress to that of the meek lamb.  I almost got slaughtered in the process.  

Now, I would like to meld those personas again… the facade of the Lamb, and the heart of the Tiger.

Stuff Eyelav

As a blogger, I took inspiration from Patrick Ribbsaeter’s Universal Player, in making my site livelier.  Forget about his grammatical errors, heck, the guy is a model and not an English Professor.  We corresponded a few months ago, when my blog was still very melancholic.  He liked my blog and said that it makes one think about things more deeply.

He is in Thailand as of the moment, I think.  And I saw this bag from his site.  This is from a store named Krane.

If I went to the office with this bag in tow, it would be so… fasyon… hihihihi

I love Rainbow Brite, don’t you?

I heard that the Raibow Brite copyright has been sold to somebody again, that’s why the movies were removed from Youtube.  Anyway, this thing below is one shirt that I don’t get

I was about to make a long commentary on this when Santino (from Project Runway 2) popped into my head, singing – Lighten up it’s just fashion, lighten up it’s just fashion… hahahaha

The Thanksgiving Entry

Coming from a stroll at Trinoma, I was dropped off by my favorite couple at our house at around ten last night.  Trinoma being Triangle North of Manila, is way up north and I being a southerner from Paranaque, that it was such a long trip for them to trek.  This couple is just so nice.  As I stepped out of the car and into our compound’s gate, I noticed a white cat sitting on my driveway.  I thought it was my cat Mu, but like so many in my life, he had already passed on some time ago.  His eyes gleamed pink, and so I finally saw the difference.  Mu’s eyes were pink and blue.  I couldn’t find the cat this morning.

I have been asking for a sign if the path I’m taking right now is the right one for me.  I now know that the path of the truth is the most difficult to take, but ultimately it is what’s right.  The path of the truth is the path of  heart, after all.

—

The Gratitudes

Thank you for old friends.
Thank you for the gift of truth
  that I can finally share with them.

Thank you for new friends.
Thank you for that one cathartic moment
  that made one realize faults.

Thank you for the love,
  the hurt, and all the other emotions.
Thank you for the the circumstances
  that plucked me out of my half-life.

Thank you for the signs,
  the realizations, and the moments of clarity.
Thank you for the gift of learning.

Thank you for the priceless experiences.
Thank you for the life
  that is ever so colourful.

-by midnight anxiety, October 7, 2007

Gazing

The aura supposedly reflects a supernatural energy field or life force that permeates all things – that’s the definition I got from the internet.  I believe in this.  The belief in auras encompass religions, actually.  Do you know when someone walks into a room and everybody seems to notice?  That person has an extended aura.  They said that Gautama Buddha had an aura that extended to a hundred meters in diameter.

One of the first things a student learns in the Core-energy module is how to see another person’s aura.  In the exercise, two students face each other, each one focuses on the other’s forehead just between the eyebrows (where the crown chakra is).  If you concentrate for a few moments and then close your eyes, you will see the outline of the person formed by the aura in the darkness.

You don’t have to be psychic to see it.  Try it sometime.

When September Ends

Carrie Bradshaw said this line about heartbreaks

It’s bad for the heart, good for the economy.

I decided to spend Sunday in Greenbelt, instead of locking myself in my room.  I felt so inadequate that the first thing on my agenda was to get a facial.  I looked at Piandre’s and they’re prices are just up there at 1100Php a pop.  Then I thought, against my friend Rach’s voice nagging in my head, to try out Let’s Face It nearby.  If you’re ever  going to a Let’s Face It branch, the one in Greenbelt1 is the best.  I only planned for a seaweed pack facial but ended up with three treatments: seaweed, exfoliation and this other one where they put a cold mask on you.  I’ll definitely come back.

My next stop was at National Bookstore, to browse.  I ended up buying two books: A Purpose Driven Life and Core Energy.  I bought the Core Energy module so that I can lend it to Rach.  Since I have already been practicing it for a little over a decade now, I can read the book later.

Then I found myself at the mezzanine area of Greenbelt 3 and fell in love with this bag.  The Sales Representative laughed when I hugged it. hahahaha

It’s the CK Jeans Flat Satchel, my first Calvin Klein bag.  Eyelavet!

The best part, I had dinner and desserts with the best couple of friends I had this past month.  A good way to spend the last hours of September. :)